Thursday, June 07, 2007
Paris Hilton is Out of Prison
Due to "medical reasons", Paris Hilton is already at home. She is wearing an ankle bracelet for the remainder of her sentence.
I have to ask, if you are penniless and develop a medical problem, do you get to go home as well? If your name isn't Hilton, do you get to go home? And what kind of "medical condition" is required?? Certainly those who have found out they have AIDS, cancer, liver disease, or another serious medical condition haven't gone home, have they?
Let's be clear. If it's truly a medical condition that needs to be treated at home, then so be it. I dislike Paris, but not to the point that I want to see her physically harmed. But this is about fair treatment, is it not? And I do not for one second believe that an ankle bracelet is the same thing as jail. It may be uncomfortable or unfashionable. Hell, it may chafe. But Paris can sit at home with her ankle bracelet on, making more sex tapes, texting hateful messages to former BFFs, and ordering new Louis Vuitton bags to be sent to her home. I'm sure it will be a great imposition on Miss Hilton that she will not be able to attend any parties during this time. You know how much my heart is bleeding for her.
I have to ask, if you are penniless and develop a medical problem, do you get to go home as well? If your name isn't Hilton, do you get to go home? And what kind of "medical condition" is required?? Certainly those who have found out they have AIDS, cancer, liver disease, or another serious medical condition haven't gone home, have they?
Let's be clear. If it's truly a medical condition that needs to be treated at home, then so be it. I dislike Paris, but not to the point that I want to see her physically harmed. But this is about fair treatment, is it not? And I do not for one second believe that an ankle bracelet is the same thing as jail. It may be uncomfortable or unfashionable. Hell, it may chafe. But Paris can sit at home with her ankle bracelet on, making more sex tapes, texting hateful messages to former BFFs, and ordering new Louis Vuitton bags to be sent to her home. I'm sure it will be a great imposition on Miss Hilton that she will not be able to attend any parties during this time. You know how much my heart is bleeding for her.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
The Statue of Libertine
There are days when I want to shut this particular blog down. Days when it makes me ill to be an American. No, wait. Make that human. So I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry God. I'm sorry blogosphere. An entertainment blog must contain entertainment news, or so I've been told, therefore, I must write about Paris Hilton.
Her fans are petitioning the Guvinator for a pardon. Their excuse? Paris makes our lives beautiful and exciting, she didn't hurt or kill anyone, and exciting and Ford pardoned Nixon.
FUCK ME! Is this the standard we have to meet?? So Mr. Guvinator, sir, I offer this evidence to counter their points. A) Paris has never once bought me a new dress, and I think she'd snub me if I tried to get in the club by dropping her name (although god knows she aquires best friends like they are going on clearance). And she's never once taken me to Disney World. Furthermore, I have never killed anyone either. And finally, pretty much everyone is squeaky clean compared to Nixon, except our current President. Shit. Not only will that get the FBI over for tea and a chat, but it violates the "keep politics out of my blog posts" thing I had going on. Oh well.
Therefore, I request- nay, DEMAND, that you sentence her to an additional 4 years for being a vapid skank that makes other vapid skanks think they are interesting. And tack on an additional 20 years for not "cowboying up" when she was told she was going to jail for breaking the law. And tack on 1 more year because I hate her mom too. lol
By the way- the title refers to this country. Why is this woman famous? Because she screws on camera and spends money? Damn. I have GOT to remind my husband to bring a video camera in the bedroom. If that's all it takes, I can probably manage both.
Her fans are petitioning the Guvinator for a pardon. Their excuse? Paris makes our lives beautiful and exciting, she didn't hurt or kill anyone, and exciting and Ford pardoned Nixon.
FUCK ME! Is this the standard we have to meet?? So Mr. Guvinator, sir, I offer this evidence to counter their points. A) Paris has never once bought me a new dress, and I think she'd snub me if I tried to get in the club by dropping her name (although god knows she aquires best friends like they are going on clearance). And she's never once taken me to Disney World. Furthermore, I have never killed anyone either. And finally, pretty much everyone is squeaky clean compared to Nixon, except our current President. Shit. Not only will that get the FBI over for tea and a chat, but it violates the "keep politics out of my blog posts" thing I had going on. Oh well.
Therefore, I request- nay, DEMAND, that you sentence her to an additional 4 years for being a vapid skank that makes other vapid skanks think they are interesting. And tack on an additional 20 years for not "cowboying up" when she was told she was going to jail for breaking the law. And tack on 1 more year because I hate her mom too. lol
By the way- the title refers to this country. Why is this woman famous? Because she screws on camera and spends money? Damn. I have GOT to remind my husband to bring a video camera in the bedroom. If that's all it takes, I can probably manage both.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Paris Hilton is Going to Jail!
I love that her mother thinks she was selectively targeted because of her celebrity status. That just cracks me up. It makes it sound like the cops are trolling around, "Dude! It's Paris Hilton! Let's get her for drunk driving!" They'd have to follow her around like stalkers, they'd have to watch as she drinks to make sure that she's getting good and hammered, and THEN they arrest her for it. Now tell me, which one is more likely? Are the cops hoping they score a major celebrity to bust, or is Paris Hilton just a drunk-ass skank that is more likely than not to be drunk at any given time?
45 days. 45 blissful days which are going to be Paris Hilton free. Well, okay, so we're going to hear about it a LOT before June 5th, which is when she has to show up by. And then we're going to hear about it a LOT after. And for the first few days into it, and for the last few days before she gets out. And then we'll have to hear about her spoiled attitude inside. And then we'll hear about it when Nicole Richie has her court date. But that leaves what??? 3 blissful days without Paris Hilton news??? I can't wait!
On a side note, this isn't entirely sarcasm. Before Martha Stewart went to jail, she was WAY overexposed. She had paint named after her, fercryinoutloud! And sure, she still does, but she's not got that same insane level of rabid fandom that she once had. Same with every celeb I can think of that's done jail time. The judges aren't selectively targeting celebs, but I am. I suggest that we send every super hot celebrity to jail- just to help them cool down. Want to hear less of Tom Cruise? Send him to jail. Want Brangelina to disappear? Send them to jail. Want the evil Britney Spears to go away? Who doesn't... I mean, send her to jail! My number one pick to get some time in the clink? Oprah. Oprah's got a freakin' cult, and she needs some time away from the spotlight. It will be like a retreat or a roadtrip! ;) :D
45 days. 45 blissful days which are going to be Paris Hilton free. Well, okay, so we're going to hear about it a LOT before June 5th, which is when she has to show up by. And then we're going to hear about it a LOT after. And for the first few days into it, and for the last few days before she gets out. And then we'll have to hear about her spoiled attitude inside. And then we'll hear about it when Nicole Richie has her court date. But that leaves what??? 3 blissful days without Paris Hilton news??? I can't wait!
On a side note, this isn't entirely sarcasm. Before Martha Stewart went to jail, she was WAY overexposed. She had paint named after her, fercryinoutloud! And sure, she still does, but she's not got that same insane level of rabid fandom that she once had. Same with every celeb I can think of that's done jail time. The judges aren't selectively targeting celebs, but I am. I suggest that we send every super hot celebrity to jail- just to help them cool down. Want to hear less of Tom Cruise? Send him to jail. Want Brangelina to disappear? Send them to jail. Want the evil Britney Spears to go away? Who doesn't... I mean, send her to jail! My number one pick to get some time in the clink? Oprah. Oprah's got a freakin' cult, and she needs some time away from the spotlight. It will be like a retreat or a roadtrip! ;) :D
